Proverbs 18:24 says, a man of many companions comes to ruin. So don’t feel bad if you don’t have heaps of friends. It is much better to have a close relationship with one or two people than spread yourself thinly and badly and not be able to support all your friends. Research says that having 3-5 close friends is the sweet spot for happiness and wellbeing.
It does depend on age as well- Acquiring a large quantity of friends in your 20s can help inform the quality of friendships you’ll have in your 30s. “People in their 20s tend to want to build a big roster of friends, because their motive is to expand their sense of identity, and you can do that through different types of people,” says psychologist and friendship expert Marisa Franco.
British psychologist and anthropologist Robin Dunbar spent his life studying friendships. What has come to be known as Dunbar’s number says that humans are only able to maintain about 150 connections at once. That includes an inner circle of about 5 close friends, followed by larger circles of more casual types of friends. But really, it’s not even about how many you have but Marisa Franco, a psychologist and author recommends starting with a powerful question: Do I feel lonely?
Julianne Holt-Lunstad, a professor of psychology and neuroscience after doing a study, concluded that loneliness is as harmful to physical health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. “Loneliness is a sort of signal or alarm system,” Dr. Franco said. Everyone feels lonely from time to time, but this is a deeper question about whether you regularly feel left out or isolated.
Job 2:11-13 says:
When Job’s three friends, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite, heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him. When they saw him from a distance, they could hardly recognize him; they began to weep aloud, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads. Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights.
Job’s friends were initially great, they came to comfort him and sat with him to mourn. They CAME, TRAVELLED, CRIED and SAT with him. All very active verbs. Doing. They did their best to help him and feel his feelings with him. Friends who are in crisis, need our presence, not saying ‘let me know if I can help’ but just showing up and pitching in.
After a while though, they tried to console him by accusing him of sin, interpreting his situation badly and ultimately added to his pain. What’s important is true empathy and our words. Sometimes words can hurt and really add to people’s pain. Let’s avoid giving unsolicited advice and use some of the recommended ideas (e.g. ask your friend directly- do you want comfort or do you want solutions?)
John 15:14 Jesus says, You are my friends if you do what I command
It seems like an abstract concept to be a friend of Jesus, but it is possible! Jesus says, all we have to do is what he has commanded us. John was called the disciple Jesus loved, he was there for Jesus. What sort of things does he do that makes him close to Jesus and how are these similar to what we want in friendships?
John 13:23 spent time closely with Jesus
John 21:24 honest with Jesus
John 19:25-27 showed up in hard times
Ecc 4:9-10 Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.